A Man with a Plan
Around the time of my most recent break up, I went on one fun but far from awe-inspiring date with a very attractive guy. Admittedly, he's hot. And admittedly, I'm in love with someone else. It doesn't matter if Ryan fucking Gosling told me it was his dying wish to take me out, I am totally unwooable when I'm in love. I just couldn't get myself into the hot guy no matter how hard I tried. (I didn't try very hard.) I'm not sure if he sensed this or he actually was not that into me (doubtful) but the courtship evolved into this annoying text-relationship. Textationship. You know what I mean. You just keep texting each other. "What are you doing tonight?" "How was your day?" "How was your dinner with your boss last night?" And you actually know quite a bit about the other person's daily doings, but it's totally moot because one or both of you never make a plan. You never actually see each other. Just text.
I'm a total sucker for a man with a plan.
Weeks passed, and I didn't even care that I wasn't actually seeing this hot guy because, again, I'm head over heels for a man my blinded-by-love self thinks wildly trumps the hundreds of other guys I've dated. Well, a hundred. A few things: Had I not been focusing all of my attention on someone else, maybe textationship's lack of planning would have actually upset me enough to address it. OR Had I not been focusing all of my attention on someone else, I wouldn't have even
tolerated this textationship's lack of planning and cut if off. Either way, I would never have let it remain stagnant as long as I did. So long that I ended up in this weird situation.
Normally, I would just never text the person back. But since we don't have a real relationship, I doubt a few ignored text messages would send the signal. I would eventually have to say something. "I would be in this situation either way," I explained to my friend Pookie a couple weeks ago when I was deciding what to do. "If I weren't totally emotionally unavailable, I would need to cut it off because he doesn't meet my unrealistically high standards of how much planning a guy must do and attention he must give. I mean, a man without a plan would never have made the cut."
"Regardless of the hypotheticals and your ridiculous dating double standards, I think you should just write, 'It seems like you have a really packed schedule, so I think for now it's better that we don't pursue this.' And leave it at that," she said.
"Better we don't pursue this?! That is so formal. I would rather just not text him back..."
But then I know what is going to happen.
-Friday night he'll be like "Hey, how was your week. What do you have on tap for this weekend?" & I won't reply.
-Saturday night he'll write, "Hey, going out tonight? I have some friends in town. We'll likely be out after dinner around 9:30 we should meet up." & I won't reply.
-Tuesday night he'll write, "How as the weekend? What is your week like?" & then what? Don't reply again.
I delayed the inevitable, and it panned out exactly as I predicted. Guys are such idiots sometimes. In the future, I intend to be much more forthcoming. "I'm sorry but I actually need to stop texting with you because I'm in love with my ex-boyfriend. But for your future dating life, you should know, worthwhile women fall for actual effort. Like to be taken out. Worthwhile woman like a man with a plan."
Then again, maybe he just wasn't that into me.
Emma Dinzebach
I'm a total sucker for a man with a plan.
Weeks passed, and I didn't even care that I wasn't actually seeing this hot guy because, again, I'm head over heels for a man my blinded-by-love self thinks wildly trumps the hundreds of other guys I've dated. Well, a hundred. A few things: Had I not been focusing all of my attention on someone else, maybe textationship's lack of planning would have actually upset me enough to address it. OR Had I not been focusing all of my attention on someone else, I wouldn't have even
tolerated this textationship's lack of planning and cut if off. Either way, I would never have let it remain stagnant as long as I did. So long that I ended up in this weird situation. Normally, I would just never text the person back. But since we don't have a real relationship, I doubt a few ignored text messages would send the signal. I would eventually have to say something. "I would be in this situation either way," I explained to my friend Pookie a couple weeks ago when I was deciding what to do. "If I weren't totally emotionally unavailable, I would need to cut it off because he doesn't meet my unrealistically high standards of how much planning a guy must do and attention he must give. I mean, a man without a plan would never have made the cut."
"Regardless of the hypotheticals and your ridiculous dating double standards, I think you should just write, 'It seems like you have a really packed schedule, so I think for now it's better that we don't pursue this.' And leave it at that," she said.
"Better we don't pursue this?! That is so formal. I would rather just not text him back..."
But then I know what is going to happen.
-Friday night he'll be like "Hey, how was your week. What do you have on tap for this weekend?" & I won't reply.
-Saturday night he'll write, "Hey, going out tonight? I have some friends in town. We'll likely be out after dinner around 9:30 we should meet up." & I won't reply.
-Tuesday night he'll write, "How as the weekend? What is your week like?" & then what? Don't reply again.
I delayed the inevitable, and it panned out exactly as I predicted. Guys are such idiots sometimes. In the future, I intend to be much more forthcoming. "I'm sorry but I actually need to stop texting with you because I'm in love with my ex-boyfriend. But for your future dating life, you should know, worthwhile women fall for actual effort. Like to be taken out. Worthwhile woman like a man with a plan."
Then again, maybe he just wasn't that into me.
Emma Dinzebach
Posted by Emma Dinzebach at 2/12/2012 10:43 PM 
Categories: Dating
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma text relationships textationships man with a plan dating dilemma
Categories: Dating
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma text relationships textationships man with a plan dating dilemma
Ems- good one. Miss you.
M
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As a man who is also oblivious to things, I would have loved it to get some advice like "Women like a man with plan" because I (and probably most men) just guess and makes excuses why things don't work out. Sure, my feelings would have been hurt, but at least I would have learned something instead of continue to do the same things that don't work and lead to missed opportunities.
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I love the man with a romantic characteristic. And those dedicated to their relationship I wish I can find a man like him.
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