The Sequel
The sequel haunts me. What are the publishing gods going to expect of me after a book about dates? Exceptional dates. The poor sequel will forcibly be romantically-rooted. What if they want me to follow in Elizabeth Gilbert's path and write about love and commitment? I'll have to move out of Washington, D.C. because I might never get to the love part here considering I can't even make it out on a single date. I'll have to move to New York or Paris or Rome where men actually work to try to take you out on a date. If I stay here, the sequel material might gag me.
No, not in that way.
Apparently via social networking and DC-blabbermouths and this bloody blog everyone knows I'm [technically] single. I talk about my "ex"-boyfriend and write too sexy Tweets. I can be found weekly flirtatiously batting my eyelashes in line at Whole Foods. I purposefully position myself, slightly bent over, on the StairMaster. (The pants help.) Even people previously unsure - you know with the break-up, get back together, break-up, get back together, it does get confusing - have spotted me quietly whispering into the ears of random dudes at various bars a little too late on a school night. And the clued-in dudes have now taken it upon themselves to just ask me out at their leisure. One guy sent me a message that just read: Single?
See what I mean by gag.
I've been on this rant for the past five to fifteen days, so excuse me if I sound a bit callous. I'm curious though, who the hell do these guys think they are? The first time around, I either dated the absolute best men out there or they literally don't make them like that anymore. They used wit and charm to pique my interest then slowly and smoothly seduced me until I absolutely could not wait for them to ask me out. Then they impressed me. Took me on cool dates and fun restaurants; and when we had been out a few times, they invited me to the beach or to Brooklyn. The point is they made me want to go out with them because they had something to bring to the table, and they tempted me with just enough of that something.
Not. Anymore. Ladies. Now these guys just send me Facebook messages asking me out. They even ask me out on Twitter. I mean, seriously? That's alarming. It is a total buzzkill to get a Facebook message asking me out on a date. So presumptuous. So lazy. Where is the effort there? Do these guys really think I just go out with anyone who asks me? Um, no. Had I done that I would have a fucking anthology by now.
Do you see why I have to move? I have nothing to work with here.
Women like to feel special - like you aren't asking out everything with a vagina. And the women who are really a catch, want to make sure that you are actually worth their time. I have a lot going on and if I'm going to skip a night I could be editing my book (see also: pursuing goals) and go to sleep early so I can make my 6 a.m. yoga class, you better have some cool tricks up your sleeve. I want to see what differentiates you from the other ten dudes who asked me out this week. Wait five minutes before you spew your desperate shit all over me. Use your wit. Use your charm. Make me excited at the thought of going out with you, so I tell all my friends about it. Make it so I cannot wait for you to ask me out. Not too long that I'm on to the next one, but just long enough. Book-worthy dates manifest in curiosity, not cluelessness) combined with little built up tension.
I mean, I thought this all was obvious.
Emma Dinzebach
No, not in that way.
Apparently via social networking and DC-blabbermouths and this bloody blog everyone knows I'm [technically] single. I talk about my "ex"-boyfriend and write too sexy Tweets. I can be found weekly flirtatiously batting my eyelashes in line at Whole Foods. I purposefully position myself, slightly bent over, on the StairMaster. (The pants help.) Even people previously unsure - you know with the break-up, get back together, break-up, get back together, it does get confusing - have spotted me quietly whispering into the ears of random dudes at various bars a little too late on a school night. And the clued-in dudes have now taken it upon themselves to just ask me out at their leisure. One guy sent me a message that just read: Single?
See what I mean by gag.
I've been on this rant for the past five to fifteen days, so excuse me if I sound a bit callous. I'm curious though, who the hell do these guys think they are? The first time around, I either dated the absolute best men out there or they literally don't make them like that anymore. They used wit and charm to pique my interest then slowly and smoothly seduced me until I absolutely could not wait for them to ask me out. Then they impressed me. Took me on cool dates and fun restaurants; and when we had been out a few times, they invited me to the beach or to Brooklyn. The point is they made me want to go out with them because they had something to bring to the table, and they tempted me with just enough of that something. Not. Anymore. Ladies. Now these guys just send me Facebook messages asking me out. They even ask me out on Twitter. I mean, seriously? That's alarming. It is a total buzzkill to get a Facebook message asking me out on a date. So presumptuous. So lazy. Where is the effort there? Do these guys really think I just go out with anyone who asks me? Um, no. Had I done that I would have a fucking anthology by now.
Do you see why I have to move? I have nothing to work with here.
Women like to feel special - like you aren't asking out everything with a vagina. And the women who are really a catch, want to make sure that you are actually worth their time. I have a lot going on and if I'm going to skip a night I could be editing my book (see also: pursuing goals) and go to sleep early so I can make my 6 a.m. yoga class, you better have some cool tricks up your sleeve. I want to see what differentiates you from the other ten dudes who asked me out this week. Wait five minutes before you spew your desperate shit all over me. Use your wit. Use your charm. Make me excited at the thought of going out with you, so I tell all my friends about it. Make it so I cannot wait for you to ask me out. Not too long that I'm on to the next one, but just long enough. Book-worthy dates manifest in curiosity, not cluelessness) combined with little built up tension.
I mean, I thought this all was obvious.
Emma Dinzebach
Posted by Emma Dinzebach at 2/12/2012 10:43 PM 
Categories: Dating
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma dating lazy dating Facebook presumptuous guys
Categories: Dating
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma dating lazy dating Facebook presumptuous guys
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