Attitude of Gratitude
It's only fitting that the day the national turkey was pardoned and the supercommittee again failed to offer us anything close to super, I found political fervor in everyone's favorite holiday sentiment: gratitude.
The absolute bane of my human existence is not actually flocks of pigeons but unsupportive parents. Having four for-the-most-part very supportive parents to whom I am eternally thankful, I absolutely cannot relate to and hardly tolerate inhibiting, dream-squashing parents. I become livid and often quite mouthy. (You're shocked. I know.)
Such was the case listening to my friend and her father discuss her career path over a beer (me champagne) last week. There for moral support disguised, I intended to say very little. As she vibrantly talked about her goals and plans to achieve said goals, I smiled and inserted little encouragements. But every time she took a breathe, her father interjected with a comment like:
"I see your excited, but excitement doesn't pay the bills." AND "Now, you don't talk about this at [her current job] do you? You wouldn't want to lose your job." AND "Maybe if you were nicer to you boss, your boss would be receptive..." AND They got so much worse, I'm embarrassed to even write them.
I get that parents are worried about their children. With unemployment at 9% and something like 16% percent for people under 25, we can be blinded by fear. But when in the history of parenting has worry-based expression ever helped anything? (Except last night when my mom may or may not have saved me from being electrocuted because she was worried shouldn't attempt to unstick the lightbulb with pliers without turning off the electricity.) What happens is that the child (no longer a child) walks away feeling frustrated, unsupported and unvalidated. They abadon their dreams, wake up 35, baby on the way and trapped in their lives. So, they take antidepressants. But they gain weight. Then ten years later, they repeat said cycle on their children - squashing dreams like cockroaches. Resentment builds at at 57, they have a heart attack. Or at 67 they have diabetes. And honestly, that's costing our country a lot of money.
Dream squashers cost the country money. I am sticking to that.
My friend's father continued down this ugly path, and my passion grew. I tried to reign it in. I did. At one point he said something about the economy and the president, and we can all guess how that landed. Roughly. Quite roughly. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I said:
Me: You're a Republican, right?
Him: Yes.
Me: So you inherently value personal responsiblity and the freedom of personal choice.
Him: Yes.
Me: And you uphold our constitutional right to the pusuit of happiness.
Him: I uphold all of our constitutional rights.
Me: Right. Our country's founders did so without wealth, networking or social status. From nothing, they contrived our constitutional rights. You of all people then must be a huge proponent of the American Dream.
Him: I am.
Me: So denying someone the right to pursue happiness, in whatever form that may take, is essentially unpatriotic. It's un-American to squash people's dreams.
He looked grumpy. My friend looked scared. I anticipated he would say something about no one being happy waiting in the unemployment office. People who cannot feed their kids because they spent their lives trying to be Mick Jagger don't end up happy. But I wasn't finished. I rarely get a soapbox, and I intended to use it.
Me: There are only two things needed to fulfill your dreams. The first is the absolutely essential inner component of all dream fulfilling. The second helps you achieve your goals faster and more efficiently. The first, verified by thousands of psychological studies and resides in varying levels of human nature, is intrinsic motivation. The second is strategy. Obviously.
Him: Obviously.
Me: So discouraging your daughter from fulfilling her dreams when she clearly has both of the main components of dream-fulfilling - an above average level of intrinsic motivation and intentional strategy, is both unpatriotic, un-American and the antithesis of fundamental ideals our country was built on.
Remember, dream squashers cost $$$.
He cocked his head slightly and looked at me, unsure how to respond. I saw his rebuttal forming, and for a moment worried that maybe I didn't know at all what I was talking about. Except for intrinsic motivation; that's real. Intrinsic motivation drives single mother's to send children to college. It allows two college kids to take a chance on a chopped salad shop, and my dad to abandon his business for two months to rebuild houses in tornado-torn Joplin, Missouri. Intrinsic motivation keeps my brother at the studio for hours after an 8-hour workday. It pushes us to get back up when we fall. It's that thing inside of you that keeps you going. That you can't name. That picks you back up when the first, second, and third time you go for your dreams you fall short. I was armed with this ammo, but he changed the subject. Wimp.
Later, and in the most inspiring way I could, I told my friend that sometimes parents let worry and doubt drive their interactions with their children. Unfortunately, all that does is place worry and doubt onto the kid. No one needs more worry and doubt. But that's hard to see when you're in the weeds. Then I reminded her that it's two days before Thanksgiving, and she should be grateful she lives in a country (and has a father!) that values personal choice. But with choice comes responsibility.
Choose choice responsibly.
Emma Dinzebach
The absolute bane of my human existence is not actually flocks of pigeons but unsupportive parents. Having four for-the-most-part very supportive parents to whom I am eternally thankful, I absolutely cannot relate to and hardly tolerate inhibiting, dream-squashing parents. I become livid and often quite mouthy. (You're shocked. I know.)
Such was the case listening to my friend and her father discuss her career path over a beer (me champagne) last week. There for moral support disguised, I intended to say very little. As she vibrantly talked about her goals and plans to achieve said goals, I smiled and inserted little encouragements. But every time she took a breathe, her father interjected with a comment like:
"I see your excited, but excitement doesn't pay the bills." AND "Now, you don't talk about this at [her current job] do you? You wouldn't want to lose your job." AND "Maybe if you were nicer to you boss, your boss would be receptive..." AND They got so much worse, I'm embarrassed to even write them.
I get that parents are worried about their children. With unemployment at 9% and something like 16% percent for people under 25, we can be blinded by fear. But when in the history of parenting has worry-based expression ever helped anything? (Except last night when my mom may or may not have saved me from being electrocuted because she was worried shouldn't attempt to unstick the lightbulb with pliers without turning off the electricity.) What happens is that the child (no longer a child) walks away feeling frustrated, unsupported and unvalidated. They abadon their dreams, wake up 35, baby on the way and trapped in their lives. So, they take antidepressants. But they gain weight. Then ten years later, they repeat said cycle on their children - squashing dreams like cockroaches. Resentment builds at at 57, they have a heart attack. Or at 67 they have diabetes. And honestly, that's costing our country a lot of money.
Dream squashers cost the country money. I am sticking to that.
My friend's father continued down this ugly path, and my passion grew. I tried to reign it in. I did. At one point he said something about the economy and the president, and we can all guess how that landed. Roughly. Quite roughly. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I said:
Me: You're a Republican, right?
Him: Yes.
Me: So you inherently value personal responsiblity and the freedom of personal choice.
Him: Yes.
Me: And you uphold our constitutional right to the pusuit of happiness.
Him: I uphold all of our constitutional rights.
Me: Right. Our country's founders did so without wealth, networking or social status. From nothing, they contrived our constitutional rights. You of all people then must be a huge proponent of the American Dream.
Him: I am.
Me: So denying someone the right to pursue happiness, in whatever form that may take, is essentially unpatriotic. It's un-American to squash people's dreams.
He looked grumpy. My friend looked scared. I anticipated he would say something about no one being happy waiting in the unemployment office. People who cannot feed their kids because they spent their lives trying to be Mick Jagger don't end up happy. But I wasn't finished. I rarely get a soapbox, and I intended to use it.
Me: There are only two things needed to fulfill your dreams. The first is the absolutely essential inner component of all dream fulfilling. The second helps you achieve your goals faster and more efficiently. The first, verified by thousands of psychological studies and resides in varying levels of human nature, is intrinsic motivation. The second is strategy. Obviously.
Him: Obviously.
Me: So discouraging your daughter from fulfilling her dreams when she clearly has both of the main components of dream-fulfilling - an above average level of intrinsic motivation and intentional strategy, is both unpatriotic, un-American and the antithesis of fundamental ideals our country was built on.
Remember, dream squashers cost $$$.
He cocked his head slightly and looked at me, unsure how to respond. I saw his rebuttal forming, and for a moment worried that maybe I didn't know at all what I was talking about. Except for intrinsic motivation; that's real. Intrinsic motivation drives single mother's to send children to college. It allows two college kids to take a chance on a chopped salad shop, and my dad to abandon his business for two months to rebuild houses in tornado-torn Joplin, Missouri. Intrinsic motivation keeps my brother at the studio for hours after an 8-hour workday. It pushes us to get back up when we fall. It's that thing inside of you that keeps you going. That you can't name. That picks you back up when the first, second, and third time you go for your dreams you fall short. I was armed with this ammo, but he changed the subject. Wimp.
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." -Thomas Edison
Later, and in the most inspiring way I could, I told my friend that sometimes parents let worry and doubt drive their interactions with their children. Unfortunately, all that does is place worry and doubt onto the kid. No one needs more worry and doubt. But that's hard to see when you're in the weeds. Then I reminded her that it's two days before Thanksgiving, and she should be grateful she lives in a country (and has a father!) that values personal choice. But with choice comes responsibility.
Choose choice responsibly.
Emma Dinzebach
Posted by Emma Dinzebach at 11/29/2011 5:42 PM 
Categories: Words of Wisdom
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma attitude of gratitude American dream intrinsic motivation choose choice
Categories: Words of Wisdom
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma attitude of gratitude American dream intrinsic motivation choose choice
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