Getting Back Together Rule
After the one (miserable) date I went on when I was broken up with my boyfriend, I received a text message from the guy saying "I inadvertently stumbled upon your dilemma." See also: Google stalked you. Not one to encourage potential suitors to read through the cumbersome medley of my many thoughts, I sort of laughed off the text message. Three hours later, I received a slew of angry texts expressing astonishment, horror, and consternation.
"Good luck with the alienating, judgmental, self-absorbed, insecure Dilemma and your myriad of dates with so many unworthy, horrible, idiotic men..."
And that went on for 45 more iPhone lines during which he made a million assessments about me, only two of which were correct: He suspected that I was judging his footwear during our lunch date, which I was. He suspected he wasn't funny enough; and he wasn't even funny at all. Every single thing I have ever written he took personally and internalized, spinning himself into a frantic, crazed state. I felt quite frightened actually, then intrigued that such a strong effect can arise form something I thought so trivial. I'm not sure why it took me so long, but only then did I think that maybe I underestimate the power of my verbosity.
Maybe all of those times that my boyfriend was a little uncomfortable with something I had written weren't a reflection of his lack of support for my artistic outlet but were actually, if slightly, warranted. Perhaps I was artistically repressing myself by insisting that the topic relate to him? However, I truly enjoy writing about relationships and dating. It's funny. If I write about life lessons all the time people will be tired of me. Plus, what if something pertains to him? What if I am writing about a situation and he was there, do I not even mention that? Do I not even mention that I have a boyfriend? The line is both fuzzy and fine and the slope is ever-so-slippery.
Without a boy, what the hell will I write about?
Well, technically, I have plenty of boys yielding years of fodder to trifle to perfection. There are [too] maaaaaaany dates, dudes, duds and such to write until my heart bleeds. Most of whom have absolutely no say in how or what I write. Most of them don't even care. So if a single man wishes to be excluded for the sake of our relationship - because he loves me - I can agree without carrying on about my artistic repression. Especially because, when getting back together, there is just one rule:
Commit to one thing each. His means I veer my public displays of affection away from the internet, sticking to hand-holding and such. Maybe yours is that your boyfriend doesn't email from bed, and his is that you don't get mad when he gets drunk watching football. Yours might be making more time for your friends. His might be spending more quality time together. Whatever. It doesn't matter how complex or how simplistic, make every decision come back to that one thing until you are solid and strong and have a bag full of successes all related to that one thing. Then and only then, can you can choose something different. One thing at a time.
Obviously, I'm having trouble narrowing my things down to one....
Emma Dinzebach
"Good luck with the alienating, judgmental, self-absorbed, insecure Dilemma and your myriad of dates with so many unworthy, horrible, idiotic men..."
And that went on for 45 more iPhone lines during which he made a million assessments about me, only two of which were correct: He suspected that I was judging his footwear during our lunch date, which I was. He suspected he wasn't funny enough; and he wasn't even funny at all. Every single thing I have ever written he took personally and internalized, spinning himself into a frantic, crazed state. I felt quite frightened actually, then intrigued that such a strong effect can arise form something I thought so trivial. I'm not sure why it took me so long, but only then did I think that maybe I underestimate the power of my verbosity.
Maybe all of those times that my boyfriend was a little uncomfortable with something I had written weren't a reflection of his lack of support for my artistic outlet but were actually, if slightly, warranted. Perhaps I was artistically repressing myself by insisting that the topic relate to him? However, I truly enjoy writing about relationships and dating. It's funny. If I write about life lessons all the time people will be tired of me. Plus, what if something pertains to him? What if I am writing about a situation and he was there, do I not even mention that? Do I not even mention that I have a boyfriend? The line is both fuzzy and fine and the slope is ever-so-slippery.
Without a boy, what the hell will I write about?
Well, technically, I have plenty of boys yielding years of fodder to trifle to perfection. There are [too] maaaaaaany dates, dudes, duds and such to write until my heart bleeds. Most of whom have absolutely no say in how or what I write. Most of them don't even care. So if a single man wishes to be excluded for the sake of our relationship - because he loves me - I can agree without carrying on about my artistic repression. Especially because, when getting back together, there is just one rule:
Focus on one thing at a time.
Commit to one thing each. His means I veer my public displays of affection away from the internet, sticking to hand-holding and such. Maybe yours is that your boyfriend doesn't email from bed, and his is that you don't get mad when he gets drunk watching football. Yours might be making more time for your friends. His might be spending more quality time together. Whatever. It doesn't matter how complex or how simplistic, make every decision come back to that one thing until you are solid and strong and have a bag full of successes all related to that one thing. Then and only then, can you can choose something different. One thing at a time.
Obviously, I'm having trouble narrowing my things down to one....
Emma Dinzebach
Posted by Emma Dinzebach at 11/7/2011 10:00 AM 
Categories: Relationships
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma artistically repressed getting back together rule focus on one thing
Categories: Relationships
Tags: Emma Dinzebach Emma Dilemma artistically repressed getting back together rule focus on one thing
always love your stuff
Reply to this