It could very well be because I was a bad girl last weekend (again), and stayed out way to late (damn Sunday nights) or because I have gotten too much sleep in the past two days for any one girl. Whatever the case may be, I decidedly pumped some midday entertainment into my fake Friday by browsing...Craigslist. You know it's fun! Here is what I found. Oh, you might want to sit down.

Winner's Circle:
1) Escape from Noisy Crowds at The Quiet Party!   Is this a joke! A party with NO music, NO talking, NO cell phones?!? But chock full of pens and papers for you to pass around notes, which are supposed to in someway be mischievous. Why wouldn't you just text each other and save the earth? I don't know about you, but if I'm really being mischievous some noise is going  to be involved. Wink. Wink. Needless to say, I passed on this one because let's be honest, I'd get the boot in T-2 min flat.

2) So we've established that the quiet party should really be a text party, but if you want to be mischievous, gentlemen pay attention, you may want to first visit this dude Free Text Seminar with Race DePriest: For The Guys Only.  My only question is, doesn't Race know that the "T" should not be capitalized? I mean really, who is going to take Race's text instructions seriously if the texts aren't even grammatically correct? Uh, not me. Plus, any guy who even considers going to this is a loser. End of story. BTW did you click on the link because you may notice the words "Wingman Training". This is some Mystery "The Game" shit gone terribly, terribly wrong.

3) Oh my god, and then there's this one, which you know has roped in many-a-female: Help With a Bad Relationship.  "Oh my god, so like, my boyfriend, was like, staying out all night blowing lines of coke and sucking face with that American Apparel loving One Oak wonder whose always showing everyone her Britney. I mean, like, did you even think he would do that after throwing that can of Pabst at me last week at Pianos. [Background music = Blood Street]. As if!" Please look at the book "Magic of Making Up." Newsflash: Break the fuck up.

4) And in case the "Magic of Making Up" fails you, and your boyfriend continues to rough you up and/or calls you your sister's name during s-e-x  there's always Samuri Sword Karate Classes! (Sword not included.)

5) So you've signed up for classes, seminars and parties just to discover that none fill the hole in your sorry ol' soul. Oh well, at least Mrs. Seahawk WANG-Radojcic will capture your involvement, thus proving to the masses that at least you cared enough to try. (Not sure why the WANG has to be in all CAPS.) EVERY (even your) GROUP NEEDS THIS TOO...! She's not only about capturing "human vision", but she will find that rotten soul of yours and capture that worthless bit too.

Runners-up:
1) Real Live People Party's Upcoming Singles Event - They're real. They're live. And they're here to match...YOU...UP!!!!!
2) Fathered a baby lately? Never fear, Urban Papa is here! Are You An Urban Papa? "I like it when you call me big papa..."
3) And the winner of the best Craigslist group title goes to...drumroll please... Come play in The Spiritual Sandbox! Um, no gracias.
4) I honestly kind of want to help this guy out: NYC naturist/nudist group. Honestly, read it.  He assures you that it isn't about sex. You can just meet up, play chess, make a ham sandwich, and do other things that regular people do clothed. Maybe we should pair up his group with the Samuri Sword Classes. Ow-wee.
5) "The Maker Maker's Make It" - only someone from Staten Island would put something so ambiguous then load the page with Jesus pictures. I'm no Son of God, but if I were Jesus, I wouldn't like this.

Honorable Mentions that should've been ranked higher, but I found them later:
1) I want to join a DANCE Group!  People say he has "skills," but if not, he can learn! He's also a writer, photographer, rapper...just doesn't have "adegree." Can't get enough. Email him! "With auditions, whatever." Or visit his myspace at myspace.com/neva2black.

Who doesn't love a little self-promo via photo collage?

2) Desiring to be part of the world? A group? A club? A city? A country?  Um, I was too scared to click on this because the picture  freaked me the fuck out. I have a hunch it's NSFW - let me know if you dare...


And that, web surfers, is the weekly window into my never-dull mind. I hope it was distracting, fun and kind of turned you on. Cowabunga.