Author's Note: 1200+ people (that's kind of a lot, right?) read my last blog post  and none paid a bit of attention to the category ("Fiction"). But for the record, I don't think "What I Think Now" properly categorizes this entry. It deserves some glitter! But for now it remains "What I Think Now" because my mind is failing  to generate the right word.

What I think now about Twilight is if Bella doesn't become a vampire or at least become pregnant with a half-vamp babe at the end of this saga (I'm on #3), I'm sending an envelope full of anthrax to Stephanie Meyer. If you know how to get a hold of some, please email me or feel free to leave it in the comment section and we can ban together. Kidding, people. Geez. I wouldn't dream of sending anthrax to Meyer; in fact, I kinda heart her. Who hasn't had a romantic dream they couldn't get out of their head? For years I had flashbacks of a dream where I wandered through the White House looking for then-Prez Bill Clinton only to stumble upon the oval office scattered with naked mannequins. Okay, not so romantic. But imagine the fictional possibilities! I, however, was either too lazy or lacked the creativity to expand that dream into a whimsical, four part fantasy. My dream also lacked one truly inspiring Edward Cullen. Too bad, so sad.

Several people did suggest that Twilight influenced "After Midnight".  Many were absolutely certain! And there were quite a few readers, none of whom I actually know, who suggested I refrain from posting until I've finished the fourth book and it's well on its way out, out, out of my system. Did you know that you can look up Exorcists in the yellow pages? That may come in handy.

(Sidenote: I just received a text from the young Bengali man to whom I teach English that reads: "Dear Emma, Greetings for u. Today is our great holy Eid day. I pray for u to God  that you will be happy forever."  And I'm smiling because in addition to the fact that I need all the prayers I can get, his English is improving! Yeah for charity teaching! Yeah for Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, which I had him watch to brush up on vernacular and Cali-style slang.)

Last night my friend said that her mom called her after seeing Twilight the movie and excitedly exclaimed, "I'm in love with a vampire boy!" Um, meeeeeee too.  A guy I know says that a MAN at his work spends his lunch hour sitting by himself reading Twilight. My friends fight over who gets what book next, claiming "dibs" when each other are finished.  Saturday evening I was at my coworker's housewarming party, in quintessential (see also: essential) Emma-party mode - complete with elaborate, exaggerated storytelling, nonchalant hair flips and periodic sarky soliloquies - when I found myself immersed in an in-all-seriousness, intense breakdown of...TWILIGHT!  Suddenly I'm judging casting selections like I'm Joe Neumaier (although I doubt Neumaier fancies Twilight), highlighting themes and symbolism and yadda yadda yadda-ing. Someone should've told me to shut up! But, and this is the phenomenon part, so focus: No One Did. Not a single attendee told me to quit talking about stupid Twilight because, fan or foe, it appears that everyone has something to contribute when it comes to Twilight. (If I could insert sound effects, I would put a swishy chime noise here.)  

(Another sidenote: People should be banned from checking their voicemail on speaker in the office or in any public setting.)

Maybe it is the election distraction or the war or the layoffs or the fact that Chuck and Blair desperately need to have S-E-X already, but the Twilight sensation screams to the fact that Americans are sa-sa-seriously lacking romance. I'm not kidding. I date. I see what we have become. I used to have creative, thoughtful suitors sweeping me off my feet, now I have one in a sea full of FF-obsessed amoebas.  There was a time when I received monthly flowers, now I can't even get my dad or my best friend to send them. (Hint, hint.)  And for the record, it's not about the things it's about old-fashioned thoughtfulness. Edward, although nonpareil, doesn't shower Bella with gifts. He protects her. Oh, so knight-in-shining-armoresque. Sigh.

Recently I was cocktailing with my favorite male Manhattanite when he said, "New York City is changing, Emma, and I'm worried about your safety. Do you carry mace?" 

"No. I mean, it doesn't usually fit in a clutch if I'm out and by the time I would find it in any other bag I have, I'd be smeared on the sidewalk, unconscious, Manolos stolen right off my feet."

"This is not a joke sweetheart. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. One word: Mace. I'm buying you some this week.  And be careful!" he insisted, ignoring my lame attempt to make light of his augury.

I joke, but as archaic as it sounded, it was Cullen-style chivalry. The version I can't readily find anymore, and it's sadly cyclical because when one person fails to be astute so does the next and the next and the next  until suddenly we are living as solely self-serving egomaniacs. It's the same with friends, family, and coworkers. Remember when you used to spend time planning a funny present for your mom for Christmas. This creativity was reciprocated by your family and friends in an effort to out-HoHoHo one another. It was funny because it was thoughtful and creative. Now you just order a waffle maker off Amazon.com and Happy effing Hanukkah.

So this year, when you go to buy presents, remember it's the thought that counts. No, actually, I'm getting everyone a copy of Twilight. Read it. Re-learn to be thoughtful and hold hands and go ice-skating and sneakily hide funny knick knacks in your coworker's desk.  Skip down the hall. Cook dinner with your friends. (Mac & Cheese Off!) Make out under a mistletoe even, but for the love of god read the book. If for no other reason than having something to chat about  at your office holiday party. (Wait, no one gets holiday parties this year. Foiled!) Read it anyway.

And may Twilight lead you to something magical. (Insert swishy chime noise here.) 

Make love, not war.